The family is the basic unit of the society. Its basic function is to provide the natural framework for the emotional, financial, and material support essential for the growth and development of its members.

So a healthy family is one whose members enjoy mental, physical, social, psychological and spiritual (or religious) wellbeing and are free from “infirmity”.

Functional families encourage and provide:

Respect.
Respect is the bedrock of functional families. All people in the family, brothers to sisters, mothers to fathers, parents to kids must be respectful as consistently as possible. Being considerate of each other is the tie that binds, even more than love.

An emotionally safe environment.

All members of the family can state their opinions, thoughts, wants, dreams, desires and feelings without fear of being slammed, shamed, belittled or dismissed.

Privacy.
Privacy of space, body and thought. Knock and ask permission to enter before going through a closed door. All family members are sensitive regarding personal space and aren’t insulted if someone needs a wide berth.

Accountability.
Being accountable is not the same as planting a homing device on your kid or abusing the cell phone to track his/her whereabouts 24/7. Being accountable is respectfully and reasonably informing people in the family where you are and what you are doing so they can grow trust and not worry.

An apology.

It’s sad when people hold out for an apology on a point of pride, never acknowledging their part in a dispute. How many times have you heard of rifts in families that last for years because someone feels they are ‘owed an apology’?

A functional family will have conflict. It’s very cool when we can have an argument and get to the other side of it still friendly and satisfied with the outcome.  Sometimes we say things that we regret. If we can feel and show remorse for our part, quickly apologize, ask for and receive forgiveness, no harm is done. You may even become closer for it.

Allow reasonable expression of emotions.

When I was growing up I wasn’t allowed to be angry at my parents and my father would walk out on me if I cried. I was determined not to do that to my kids. It hasn’t been easy. The main thing for me was to teach them to state their anger in a managed manner and to teach myself not to be annoyed when they did.

Allows people to change and grow.                                                                                             

A functional family lets people define themselves. Individual differences are appreciated even celebrated. It also lets the kids become independent when it’s appropriate and come back to the safety of the family when they need nurturing.

The adults in the family need to be allowed to grow as well. A mother may want to get a graduate degree, or a father may decide to retire early and start something new. These changes merit discussion on how they will affect everyone in the family, adjustment, perhaps negotiation, but again, if done with respect every one can be satisfied.

Parents work as a co-parenting team.

A functional family is one where the adults are at the center of the family, in charge and pulling together in the same direction. In a functional family parents take responsibility.

Encourages siblings to work together.

Brothers and sisters have a unique relationship and it’s a dead shame when it is not nourished. Functional parents encourage siblings to play, work and problem solve together, enhancing inter-sib communication, instead of interfering with their arguments.

Get each other’s sense of humor.

Functional families laugh a lot. They have ‘inside’ jokes and favorite stories, anecdotes of memories shared that delight and re-enforces a healthy bond.

Is your family functional and to what level is determine by Family APGAR.

The Family APGAR.  Is a useful tool in assessing the presence and severity of family dysfunction.

A – Adaptability    P – Partnership    G – Growth   A – Affection   R – Resolve.

It is a tool use by Family Physicians (Medical Doctors that specialized in Family medicine) to diagnose functionality or otherwise of a family in view of management.

It is a Questionnaire based tool that is scored 0, 1 and 2 respectively for “hardly ever”, “some of the time” and “almost always” to determine the individual’s perception to the respective issues represented by the acronym.

Scores 0 to 3, 4 to 6 and 7 to 10 indicate Dysfunctional, Poorly functional and Functional families respectively.

ADAPTABILITY

I can turn to my family for help when something is troubling me. That derives from the confidence that family members are prepared to accommodate the necessary adaptation to accommodate the support the affected family member needs. 

PARTNERSHIP

I am satisfied with the way my family talks things over with me and shares problems with me. 

The readiness of family members to identify with and participate in finding a solution to the need of each other.

GROWTH

I am satisfied that my family accepts and support my wishes to take on new activities or directions.

That means the individual can count on the support of his family as he undertakes plans and efforts to grow and develop in any aspect of his life/career.

AFFECTION

I am satisfied with the way my family expresses affection and responds to my emotions, such as anger, sorrow and love.

That means the individual is assured of the love, affection and understanding of his/her family members.

RESOLVE

I am satisfied with the way my family and I share time together.

Time together by the family is helpful in offering opportunity for family members to reflect and resolve issues facing them.

Is your family functional?