Human beings are social animals, that is, we live with others, interact with them, and engage in meaningful interaction such that we need others because we are not solitary animals, living and surviving by ourselves alone. While the other is different from us, these other people add meaning to our lives.

Our interaction with others make life more enjoyable and meaningful. Some relationship are mutually beneficial while some are exploitative and one sided. True human relationships should be beneficial to both parties.

This interaction must therefore be seen as a pattern of giving and taking that enhances the quality of the relationship and bond the parties together emotionally, psychologically, and morally. When a party feels that he or she is only giving and not getting, the relationship will experience tension, conflicts, misunderstanding and eventual breakdown.  

With the economic downturn in Nigeria, many relationships are foundering because of unnecessary dependence and expectations. Some friends feel that their friends owe them an obligations to meet all their needs. While friendship comes with obligations and commitments, it is a relationship that people freely enter into and may leave for a number of reasons, such as exploitation, smoldering and infidelity to the demands of each relationship. The best tonic for a good relationship is mutuality and reciprocity. Friends must see themselves as givers first and foremost before seeing themselves as takers.

If you only take, the other may soon feel used and exploited and opt out. Hence friends may not expect anything if they have not contributed anything to the flourishing of the relationship. It is such expectations that often lead to conflict and breakdown of relationships.

In this economic downturn, it is foolhardy to expect that our friends will meet all our needs. Those friends have myriads needs and obligations that they must fulfil. Those who expect their friends to meet all their needs are also often not grateful for the help they have received. They often reason “my friend is capable, and he can even do more. He just doesn’t want to do it. This attitude is irrational, and wrong. While you may be close to someone, you do not know the full extent of their obligations or whether their own resources are able to meet their obligations. Hence, anticipating that they ought to do much more for you is a recipe for disappointment. No wonder someone said that “Givers have to set limits because takers have no limits.”

If a friend is able to help us at all, we should be grateful, no matter how small the help render may be., because it is still some help. If you can do it for yourself, you will not ask anyone. Gratitude is a much sort after virtue today and it is in very short supply leading to the collapse of many relationships. At this point in our life, when life is not smiling for many people, we need to be considerate of the request we make of others.

Apart from being considerate, we need to be understanding. We need this gifts of the Holy Spirit to accept whatever help we get or to understand when the person is not able to respond the way we had expected. You are not the only one “packaging”. Your helper is also packaging that is why he or she appears better than he or she really is. Such a person renders the help so as not to become diminished in your evaluation. He may pay for it financially by forgoing many other things he would have loved to enjoy.

To be unreasonable is not to appreciate whatever help one gets, to be doubly unreasonable and ungrateful is to even complain that he could have done better. For goodness sake, No one owes us anything, all is gift and if you are not grateful in small things, who will entrust to you treasures? No one person can help everyone, but all of us can help someone and that should make us all happy.

Let us not enslave that one person with our unceasing requests. You too are called to be a giver, when will you start? Today, some takers even eat better, but I am sure that givers will sleep better. So, don’t be a leech or a blood sucking tick, be a honeybee, pollinating the world with fruitfulness and together, we can all make the world a better place.

In the final analysis, it is not sufficient to say a half-hearted thank you if you are not ready to remove your dependence on your helper. Sometimes, they need you to help yourself, so that they can help others. Let us help one another to make the world a happy place for both givers and takers, let us make our journey more interesting and loving than the burden that some have turned it into.

Asking from friends is good, knowing when to ask is golden, but knowing when not to ask and bear the pain of lack is salutary and transformative. We need this medicine to cure ourselves of our effrontery and sense of entitlement and maybe, just maybe, we will be able to save some good relationships!