John ESENE

Continue from Pt 2 of last week.

     Some people do not want to look inside themselves. They are afraid to know both the good and bad qualities in them. But this is wrong: know who you are and this will enable you work on your short comings and also to know the gift you are to yourself and to others. Nobody is perfect, except God.

     It is true that you can’t see all the qualities in you because not all the subconscious can come to your consciousness. Some will come when you act towards others or circumstances. And this will improve your growth and development.

      Do you stop to be friendly to others because you think they are not ready to accept your love? For example, you want to greet somebody and he or she turns away. Why not try again? You can be a gift to others in many ways which you do not know because nobody knows all the gifts in him or her. But always try to be available to everybody not just a particular set of people.  Philip was inspired by the Spirit to help the Ethiopian Eunuch in Acts 8:26-40 who was reading the scripture without understanding. I learn from a friend to be selfless, so my friend will also be a gift through me to others who will eventually become selfless.

   The support that challenges and the challenge that supports, consist much more of actions than words. It is not enough to merely applaud the other when he performs well, or to demand excellence of him when he is less than excellent. It is also necessary at least if we are followers of Jesus, that we challenge and support him by our own actions. The most effective way of encouraging our friend to excellence is to strive for excellence in ourselves. Jesus encouraged His friends to be enthusiastic about His mission. The best and perhaps the only way to challenge our friends to commitment is to be committed ourselves.

   The Church is ultimately a place of friendship in which all men may recognize that what makes them brothers is richer and deeper than the fears and uncertainties that set them against each other. Heaven will be no surprise for those persons who have learned how to become friends here on earth. Do not keep your friends to yourself alone; allow them to meet others lest you possess them. 

     It is becoming popular that some friends tell each other off. This is their version of the ill-tempered cry about the source of political power, only now it states that “All relationships come from the barrel of a gun.” To be close is equated with the freedom to fire on a friend at will, to tell him, in exquisitely detailed terms, everything that is wrong with him. He, of course, is supposed to remain your friend through this stormy weather; at least he is not allowed to flinch or he will be penalized for copying out on what is good for him.

     The friends that are always together: this is a notion perpetuated by the emotionally needy, the person so fearful that they may lose their friends that they never let them out of their sight. True friendship, however, is made to survive separation even as in the long run. It is meant to survive death itself. Take a close look at lives of people who are true friends to one another, you will discover that constant closeness is not an absolute requirement for their relationship. As a matter of fact, one of the best measures of friendship is how well it flourishes when persons are, for whatever reason, separated from one another.

     But there is a deep mystery in this, to be sure; it is strange that a relationship in which people long to be together is so often characterized by their being apart. This is true in the most profound relationships of love; as life progresses, as children come and obligations accumulate, even the most devoted husbands and wives find that their moments of being quietly and completely  together becomes fewer and fewer. Their friendship and anyone who does not realize that lovers must also be friends has a great deal to learn must be made of strider stuff than “togetherness.”

      Friends who do not realize this, who are made restless and anxious about what their friend is doing out there somewhere without them are really experiencing their own lack of maturity for the fact that they are not peaceful in the relationship.  Friendship that is true is an almost indestructible commodity can stand the ravages of time and distance, can take the minor and major separations that demand patience but build peace in the sharing that is sealed by the Spirit.

     Some friends always feel deeply about things. Closely related to the forgoing, this myth claims that every moment must be severally taxed of all the emotional content that it possesses, that friendship cannot be friendship without heavy breathing and soulful glances, that every meeting of friends requires a baring of the soul, a confession of the week’s secret anguishes. Actually, friends are supposed to be able to ENJOY each other in the very simple but deep meaning of that term. They must be able to be relaxed and at ease in each other’s presence, able to be quiet or just to smile in common appreciation of some shared events.

     Friends are the people you have fun with, not the ones you must wrestle with in spiritual discomfort at every meeting. The friendship that generates tension, like a hum around high wires, is artificial and will quiver and snap under strain. Genuine friendship has a lot of give in it; it seldom needs to be drawn taut.

     Dear reader, do not allow the devil to use you against your friend. Pray that the same devil does not use your friend to get at you in any form. Remember how Judas betrayed Jesus his Master!