I remember the good old days when as kids we rushed our house chores and ate dinner with haste just because we wanted to hear stories told by grandma. The most fascinating is that, it was not just my fellow playmates who formed a circle as wide as our mothers’ cooking pots; even teenagers would struggle to find a space inside that pot. Our parents would stand few meters away smiling, and watching how our eyes are fixed on grandma as she gesticulates, telling us stories about tortoise or other folklores.

In those days, we saw our grandma as a sage, one who had answers to every question we asked. I remember asking on one occasion: ‘maami,’ will I be like you one day? She paused, chuckled, adjusted her wrapper and nodded.

These experiences remain evergreen in my memory and sometimes evoke a feeling of nostalgia but ultimately, I realised that these folklores shaped us while growing, laying a solid foundation for morals and how to navigate through tough situations. Those periods we gathered, listening to grandma, irrespective of family ties showed how children were trained by the community particularly on respect and reverence for the elderly. I remember the hot slap I received from one woman when I hissed at my mum on our way to farm or how one of my friends was flogged openly when he kicked his dad. We were very conscious of Ex 20:12 and Prov 1:8.

Today, the ‘circle’ is often broken by the glow of smartphones and tablets. It is now hard to have a thirty-minute discussion without one scrolling or finding what is not lost on the phone. Instead of eyes fixed on a sage, they are fixed on social media feeds and various ideologies that make it harder to weather the storms of this age. Also, quite interesting, is the notion that not every elder is a ‘parent’ as ‘mind your business’ is now the modern rule. As a result, many children of this time become uncultured, rude and arrogant.

The Scripture is very clear about reverence especially to people older or placed in charge. Consequently, it is engrained in our African tradition that despite our communal relationships, respect should not be dallied with.  More importantly is the culture of respecting the elderly in the community. Unfortunately, the Gen-z mentality has no space for such because they are moved by what they think and what they feel, irrespective of the moral consequences. It is disheartening walking down the streets and hearing young people calling all sort of names (e.g. old cargo, witch, etc), elders who insult them or at worst, beat them. This is an atrocity; a moral issue, of which the Church and the society cannot turn a blind eye.

Although we cannot prove with certainty that disrespect for the elders to the extent of beating them began with the Gen-z, but the fact still remains that the rate of this menace is higher in the Gen-z. We must ask ourselves how to curb this menace since the use of cane and belt seem old-fashioned for the Gen-z.

One vital way is to accept the reality that the Gen-z has come to stay and an understanding of their psychology is pertinent, because a solution is given when a problem is known. Generally, the psychology of the Gen-z is one that changes status quo; causing a change in core values found in older generations such as: respect, delayed gratification and quiet endurance.

This shift suggests that traditional, hierarchical method of discipline will be ineffective especially with their demand for mental well-being. Hence, we must engage the Gen-z meaningfully, moving from the method of compliance to collaborative reasoning since they value authenticity and ‘the why’ behind every action. Also, we must employ emotional intelligence when dealing with them rather than physical deterrence as this will make them more responsible rather than aggressive.

Nevertheless, we must emphasise on the need for them to cultivate the values of respect, reverence and emotional maturity as these values are good in themselves and do not change despite the generational change in ideology.

On the other hand, elders are expected to be custodians of the very dignity they demand, recognising that respect is often a harvest reaped from the seeds of one’s own conduct. Just as the saying goes: “respect is reciprocal.” They are to be mirrors of the very virtues they wish to see reflected in the youths, for respect is not a right inherited by age alone, but a garment maintained through character. It is disheartening to observe that while we bemoan the “Gen-z shenanigans,” some elders engage in behaviours unworthy of their age such as sexual/physical abuse, public brawls, use of fowl language or exhibit a lack of self-restraint. Such behaviours contradict the African tradition of dignity upheld by ‘sages.’ This brings to mind the exhortation by Paul in Ephesians 6:4, which cautions parents/elders not to provoke their children to wrath or shout in a way that breeds resentment. As such, when elders compromise their role as a ‘sage,’ they provide the youth with an excuse for defiance.

The Church and the society must emphasize the need for servant leadership which provides a ‘check and balance,’ and thus mediating between excess and deficit. That is, the ‘circle’ that was once wide as our mothers’ cooking pots can only be mended if both elders and Gen-z play their parts. The elders must provide a solid foundation for morals through their own exemplary actions; this will make it easier for the Gen-z child to move away from the ‘glow of smartphones’ and return to the place of genuine reverence for the elderly.