Lilly Path with Ifeoma Odisa UGWU

Dear Sister,

We often speak of guarding our hearts. But what does that mean when your heart has been bruised by careless words, unmet expectations, and the slow sting of betrayal? What does it mean when you're constantly tempted to react, lash out, or shut down entirely?

Let’s begin here: You cannot control what others do to you, but you are fully responsible for how you respond. And that, my dear, is the beginning of emotional maturity.

You will not walk through life untouched by offense. Someone will misunderstand you. A friend will fall short. A parent may wound you with words they never should have said. A stranger might embarrass you; a leader may disappoint you, and even those closest to your heart may pierce it unknowingly.

Offense is not always loud or dramatic. Sometimes, it’s subtle—a lingering hurt from not being chosen, acknowledged, or understood. And while you can't stop offense from showing up, you have the power to choose whether or not to open the door and entertain it.

Proverbs 19:11 says, “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” This is not weakness. It is strength in disguise. Strength that shows up not in how loudly you clap back, but in how quietly you choose peace over chaos.

Emotions Are Messengers, Not Masters

You’re allowed to feel anger, disappointment, grief—they are not sinful. They are signals. They tell you something is wrong, or that something matters. But emotions, when left unchecked, can become poor guides.

You are not your anger. You are not your sadness. You are not your rage or irritation. You are a daughter of God—created with emotions, but not created to be ruled by them.

The world will tell you to “do whatever feels right,” but Scripture calls us to something higher: “Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.” (Proverbs 16:32)

One of the greatest habits you can develop at this stage of your life is the art of pausing—taking a breath before reacting, asking God to help you process rather than explode.

It may look like:

• Choosing not to reply to that text until you’re calm.
• Taking a walk instead of posting that passive-aggressive story online.
• Journaling your thoughts before confronting someone.
• Asking the Holy Spirit to help you see clearly when your vision is clouded by hurt.

This is not cowardice. This is emotional stewardship. You’re protecting your heart, your peace, and your witness.

Healing Begins with Ownership

We often say, “She made me angry,” or “He ruined my day.” But the truth is, no one has the power to control your emotions unless you hand it over to them. Healing starts when you take that power back.

You are not a puppet in the hands of people’s behavior. You are a steward of your soul. That means when you’re wronged, you don’t just respond out of instinct—you choose out of wisdom. You pray before reacting. You ask, “Is this offense worth my peace? My dignity? My future?”

Sometimes it is. Some boundaries must be drawn. Some confrontations must happen. But many offenses can be released without a scene—because you’ve grown beyond them.

One of the fruits of emotional maturity is becoming a safe person—someone who doesn’t gossip recklessly, doesn’t erupt under pressure, and doesn’t weaponize silence or moodiness.

A safe woman doesn’t mean a weak woman. It means a woman who knows her triggers and has built strength around them. A woman who communicates instead of manipulating. Who forgives, not to excuse behavior, but to preserve her freedom.

The world doesn’t need more pretty girls with uncontrolled emotions. The world needs healed women who carry peace like perfume—subtle, sweet, and always present.

Your Responsibility, Your Power

Let me tell you something your flesh might not want to hear: You are responsible for your own healing. Not the person who hurt you. Not your parents. Not your ex-friend. Not your Church, but You.

You don’t need everyone to apologize before you grow. You don’t need closure from every relationship to find peace. You just need to decide that you are worth the healing, and you’re ready to grow beyond offense.

This is how you become emotionally mature—when you stop blaming the world for your reactions and start asking God for the grace to respond like Him.

Sister, your emotions are not the problem. Your unwillingness to train them is. There is a girl within you who is capable of incredible peace, dignity, and grace. The world needs her. But you must do the work to become her.

Ask God to help you grow. Ask Him to show you your patterns, your wounds, your triggers—and walk with Him as you learn emotional self-regulation.

You don’t have to be perfect. But you do have to be willing.

Your strength is not in how hard you clap back.

Your strength is in how well you love, how deeply you forgive, how gently you guard your joy.

And when you learn to master you, the world loses its power to move you.

PLS: I also needed to hear these words too, we never stop growing.

With love and truth,
Your Big Sister in Christ