Dr. Francis SANWO

 

 

The family is the basic unit of the society. Its basic function is to provide the natural framework for the emotional, financial, and material support essential for the growth and development of its members.

So a healthy family is one whose members enjoy mental, physical, social, psychological and spiritual (or religious) wellbeing and are free from “infirmity”                                            A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehavior, and often child neglect or abuse on the part of individual parents occur continually and regularly, leading other members to accommodate such actions. Children sometimes grow up in such families with the understanding that such an arrangement is normal. Dysfunctional families are primarily a result of co-dependent adults and may also be affected by addictions, such as substance abuse (alcohol, drugs, etc.), or sometimes an untreated mental illness.

 Any major stressor, such as relocation, unemployment/underemployment, physical or mental illness, natural disaster, etc. can cause existing conflicts affecting the children to become much worse.

Dysfunctional families have no social, financial or intellectual bounds. Its members have common features and behavior patterns as a result of their experiences within the family structure.

Some features that are common to most dysfunctional families includes: lack of. empathy, understanding, and sensitivity towards certain family members, while expressing extreme empathy towards one or more members .In other words, one family member continuously receives far more than he or she deserves, while another is marginalized.

Unequal or unfair treatment of one or more family members due to their birth order, gender, age, family role (may include frequent appeasement of one member at the expense of others, or an uneven/inconsistent enforcement of rules).

Abnormally high levels of jealousy or other controlling behaviors.

Children afraid to talk (within or outside the family) about what is happening at home, or are otherwise fearful of their parents.

Abnormal sexual behavior such as adultery, promiscuity, or incest.

Lack of time spent together, especially in recreational activities and social events.

In many cases, the following would cause a family to be dysfunctional:

Families with older parents or immigrant parents who cannot cope with changing times or a different culture.

Children who have no contact with the extended family of their mother or father due to disharmony, disagreement, prejudice, feuding, etc.

An intense rift, extending beyond mere disagreement of opinion to personal animosity, between family members regarding religious or political belief (e.g., adverse parental action inspired by parents' moral disapproval of one or more children's disagreement with the parents' religious beliefs and/or wish to leave the parents' Church, a family member encouraging or having an abortion while other family members object on religious or moral grounds)

Effects on children   

Children of dysfunctional families, either at the time, or as they grow older, may also:

Have moderate to severe mental health issues, including possible depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts.

Become addicted to smoking, alcohol, and/or drugs, especially if parents or friends have done the same.

Have difficulty forming healthy relationships within their peer group (usually due to shyness or a personality disorder).

Spend an inordinate amount of time alone watching television, playing video games, surfing the Internet, listening to music, and other activities which lack in-person social interaction.

Feel angry, anxious, depressed, isolated from others, or unlovable.

Become a juvenile delinquent and turn to a life of crime (with or without dropping out of school), and possibly become a gang member as well.

Struggle academically at school or academic performance declines unexpectedly.

Have low self-esteem or a poor self image with difficulty expressing emotions.

Become pregnant and/or a parent of illegitimate children.

NOW TAKE TIME TO ‘APGAR SCORE’ YOUR FAMILY

The Family APGAR.  is a useful tool in assessing the presence and severity of family dysfunction.

A – Adaptability    P – Partnership    G – Growth   A – Affection   R – Resolve.

It is a tool used by Family Physicians (Medical Doctors that specialized in Family medicine) to diagnose functionality or otherwise of a family in view of management.

It is a Questionnaire based tool that is scored 0, 1 and 2 respectively for “hardly ever”, “some of the time” and “almost always” to determine the individual’s perception to the respective issues represented by the acronym.

Scores 0 to 3, 4 to 6 and 7 to 10 indicate Dysfunctional, Poorly functional and Functional families respectively.

ADAPTABILITY

I can turn to my family for help when something is troubling me.

That derives from the confidence that family members are prepared to accommodate the necessary adaptation to accommodate the support the affected family member needs. 

PARTNERSHIP

I am satisfied with the way my family talks things over with me and shares problems with me. 

The readiness of family members to identify with and participate in finding a solution to the need of each other.

GROWTH

I am satisfied that my family accepts and support my wishes to take on new activities or directions.

That means the individual can count on the support of his family as he undertakes plans and efforts to grow and develop in any aspect of his life/career.

AFFECTION

I am satisfied with the way my family expresses affection and responds to my emotions, such as anger, sorrow and love.

That means the individual is assured of the love, affection and understanding of his/her family members.

RESOLVE

I am satisfied with the way my family and I share time together.

Time together by the family is helpful in offering opportunity for family members to reflect and resolve issues facing them.

Is your family functional like the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph or dysfunctional?