John ESENE

Continue from Pt. 2 of last Sunday.

    Your apostolate or mission starts from your family. And if there is peace in your family, you will be a model to your neighbours, friends, etc. This is possible when love fills all members of your family. But if love is no longer there, its place will be occupied by severe pain-a pain it would take a lifetime to heal.

     You can audit your family life style to know if you are qualified for the above blessings promised by God. If there has not been peace in your home, then change! If you hate change, you cannot succeed. Life itself is not static but dynamic. Time and change are twin brothers or sisters. Anyone that refuses change cannot be helped further to succeed in life. Your success in your undertakings depends on how focused you are and your ability to refuse discouraging advice.  

     Psalm 107:41-43 says, “But He rescued the needy from their misery and made their families increase like flocks. The righteous see this and are glad, but all the wicked are put to silence. May those who are wise think about these things; may they consider the Lord’s constant love.”

   Have you been working without success for peace to reign in your family because of the influence or oppositions from your relations and outsiders?  Jesus said in Mt. 5:9, 11-12, “Happy are those who work for peace; God will call them His children. Happy are you when people insult you and persecute you and tell all kinds of evil against you because you are my followers. Be happy and glad, for a great reward is kept for you in heaven.”

Jim Reeves inspires us saying: 

 

“Where do I go from here?

 What faith is drawing near?

 Touch my heart

And guide my lips in prayer.

 

Through the grace of God alone

I’ll cast aside these fears I’ve known,

And lift myself from

The depths of deep despair.”

 

     A man died recently and few minutes after his burial, his sister walked up to the late man’s son and said, “Boy, give me the key to your father’s house. I want to stay here and supervise the construction of my house nearby!” Her action sparked dispute between her and those who came to mourn the dead as she made the boy to weep uncontrollably.

   Dear parents, if you have communication problems with your child, try a conflict resolution that works well. Stop using expressions such as, “I am your father and I know the best for you. We can’t let you do it that way. If you do, you will be punished. You must obey your parents and stop arguing with them. Do as I say”. The resultant effect of the above expressions may lead to provocation, lying and so on. The child will talk sweetly in order to win his parents. He will tell tales of his siblings to his parents in order to win something.

    The above method is power oriented which will eventually make parents to win all the time while children lose. On the other hand, parent may decide to lose while the child wins for obvious reasons. For example, when a parent is afraid of conflict or embarrassment by the child’s use of power, he will allow the child to win. Father may decide not to frustrate his child and so let the child have his way. And this method will likely make him uncontrollably selfish, unmanageable. 

    The best method is effective communication which will lead to mutual agreement, democratic problem solving, mutual decision-making, group-centered decision making and participative-problem solving. Here, neither the parents nor their children use their power. Punishment becomes unnecessary. Everyone values love for one another and with trust they allow problems to get out on the open. No hiding place for weaknesses because they believe in John 15:12-14 which says, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends of you do what I command you”.

     A parent who practically observed this method wrote the followings “The changes on our family relationships have been subtle but real. The older children especially appreciate these changes. At one time, our home had ‘emotional smog’, critical, resentful, hostile feelings that were held in chock until something would trigger an explosion. Since sharing our new skills with all the children, the ‘emotional smog’ is gone.  The air is clear and stays clear. We have no tension in our home except that which is necessary for coping with everyday schedules.

     ” We deal with problems as they arise, and all tune in to the feelings of others as well as ourselves. My eighteen-year old son says he can feel tension in the homes of his friends and he expresses appreciation for the lack of tension in our home. We have closed the ‘generation gap’. And since we can communicate freely, my children are open to the teaching of my own value system and my perspective in life. But their views are also enriching to me.”

        Dear readers, we don’t need to shout at our children during communication with them. Be calm and listen to them when they want to express themselves; do not presume you know what they want to say and so conclude immediately. We cannot treat our children the way we were treated many years ago. Our present child-adult relationships should change for our common good!

       Psalm 133:1-3 says, “How wonderful it is, how pleasant, for God’s people to live together in harmony! It is like the precious anointing oil running down from Aaron’s head and beard, down to the collar of his robes. It is like the dew on Mount Hermon. That is where the Lord has promised His blessing-life that never ends.” We are Christians, so we are God’s people and if we live righteously, God will bestow on us His blessings and lead us to everlasting life.