John ESENE

     The happiest moment for most couples is when they are newly married and have no children yet to worry about. They are just in a world of two: just two only. The celebration of a miracle comparable to the crossing of the Red Sea will usually overwhelm the couple at this early stage of marriage that everyone becomes a saint in his or her dealings. The girl’s departure from her parents to a land unknown, where she has to live with a man from a different background is like getting to the Promised Land.

     This is one of the reasons why a man takes his new wife out on a honey moon to compensate her for accepting him as the head of her family, her defender in times of trouble and her chief celebrant when there is cause for celebrations. The girl in turn will acknowledge his appreciation in so many ways. The question is, “For how long will these intimacies last?” it depends on their ability to identify and clear the road blocks in their marriage with maturity.

   The man takes charge as the war commander to protect his wife who risked so many things including taking a new name to replace her father’s name in the process of marrying a man she believes would protect her like a good shepherd would do.  But for how long will the man protect her? Time shall tell: some men keep their pledge till death do them part while others would suddenly change before or after the first half of their marriage journey.

    At this stage, they do not see reasons for creating “a key to happiness.” Rather, the door is thrown wide open to enable everyone assuage his or her insatiable appetite: no friction of any sort. Both couples see flexibility as a necessary tool, such that no one can afford to bend the other out of shape.

    Everyone adjust easily to fit into the new life without complaining. My friend, Peter opened up five months into his marriage saying, “During my bachelorhood, I hardly eat at home but these days, I hardly eat outside. Everything has changed because I am now a responsible man.” The Book of Proverb says, “There is time for everything.”

   Young couples in their early stage of marriage exhibit the virtue of “trusting one another” with the support and challenge require of two in a union. There is enormous faith in one another with all eagerness to bear with one another’s failings. This attitude can easily pave way for sincere identification of each other’s potentials and they uplift one another for the good of their union.

      The absence of children and the denial of intruders at this early stage of marriage make the couples closer to one another than they can be much later in their marriage voyage. “Love is blind!” so says an adage. For now, no one has the reason to report any wrong doing to a third party. You don’t even have a diary to record offences against your partner because you are highly intoxicated with love. The marriage vows are very much fresh in your mind and are easier to obey at this stage.

    On the day of your wedding, you welcome a change because you cannot succeed in marriage without a change. And life itself is not static but dynamic. Time and change are twin sisters or brothers.  Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. Do not live to regret your past; accept the past as part of you, no matter how ugly it may be. Look forward to a better future. It must not cripple you. Peter denied Jesus thrice but made amend later and led the rest apostles to proclaim Christ to the world. You can amend your life; that is how most people became saints. Remember St. Augustine!

    A man has the responsibility of protecting his wife always, keeping in mind that he is the sole custodian of the woman who left her father and mother to be with him for better, for worse till death do them part. The woman in obedience to God should be a suitable companion to help her husband.

 

     World report on March 1, 2011 showed that young married (Childless British Couples), are happiest. Older couples were less contented than their younger counterparts.  Researchers discovered that couples who have been together for less than five years were more likely to see their happiness blossom than those in longer-term relationships.

   Road blocks such as: learning to keep things in order contrary to “Do it anyhow!” syndrome; they have to eat common food and mostly at home; laundry and keeping the house clean always; watching same program on the television; the necessity to return home from work rather than hang around with friends after working hours; sharing same bed at all nights; notifying your partner of your where about or where you intend to be for a specific time; seeking of opinion or permission (as the case may be) from your partner before you do certain things; you perform your duties informed by your new marital status; tolerating certain habits you suddenly realize your other half exhibits were not known to you before; mother-in-law waiting to know how long it will take her son’s wife to take-in; and a lot more. These issues will obviously generate pains for you but the world of joy will swallow those pains.

    The search for value in marriage is a meaningful project when one considers the joy one would derive from a marriage that adds value to life. The goal is attainable if only you allow the Spirit of God to guide you. Philippians 4:13 says, “I have the strength to face all conditions by the power that Christ gives me.”

     Openness, forgiveness and mutual understanding should be the guiding principles of marriage.      

Let the successful couples humble themselves and say, “Almighty God, you are responsible for our achievements.”