John ESENE     

Marriage success is not achievable on platter of gold. You have to work for it: for some, it is easier than others. The truth is that, what is worth doing is worth doing well. Achievers never give up even in the face of adversity.

       There was this lady who was initially loved by her husband’s relations. As they pass through the teething period of their marriage, she was engrossed on seeing her husband becoming a man of the people. This development made her husband’s relations to see her as possessing her husband. This caused a sudden dispersion making her husband look more of an island in an African setting. Gradually, she developed “I’m ok syndrome.”

    One day, she boasted to her uncle saying, “I went to my husband’s home town to supervise the construction of our new building and I made sure no one gets anything from me.” Then she added enthusiastically, “We suffered to get the money and no one will share it with us.” But the uncle asked her, “Was that your idea or your husband’s? you have to consider the fact that you were imported into that family and any major decision affecting them has to be initiated by your husband, lest, he makes you his sacrificial lamb when your actions tempt his people to rebel against him.”

    Her uncle was not advocating for a situation where her husband’s relations should continue to depend on him. Nevertheless, it is the duty of her husband to educate his people gradually until they understand that he has financial responsibility towards his immediate family. They have depended on him so much that they would not want to let go of him. He can teach them how to fish rather than fish for them continually.

    Parents are expected to show affection to their children and this is very natural. Culture or tribe has nothing to do with this phenomenal. A nuclear family comprises a father, mother and their children. And this family is regarded as one unit just as the Holy Book presented God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit as one God.

    The natural unity that bounded the nuclear family presupposes the existence of unconditional love, though, man by his weakness can thwart this to some extent against God’s will. That was the more reason why God disapproved of Cain’s attitude towards Abel. Cain killed his brother, Abel and thought he could get away with it. And the Lord asked Cain, “Where is your brother Abel?” Cain answered, “I don’t know. Am I supposed to take care of my brother?” Gen. 4:9.

 

       Unfortunately, in the course of taking care of their son, some parents go beyond their boundary to the extent of deciding what their child should be in his or her matrimonial home. This vice is common among parents who over pamper their children in the name of love. They so attach themselves to their children that they compel them to remain babies. They want to have a say in everything their children do even when they get married. You may call this exercise “A remote control.”

     These married babies are in the habit of reporting the activities of their spouses to their parents for adjudication. They never really have their own say and this attitude cracks the walls of their marriages until they collapse. They have no self-good image and will never experience happy marriage if they do not change their attitude. The easiest way they can experience change is to detach themselves from their parents and accept responsibilities for their actions. 

     Mr. Daniel allowed his wife to bring her relation into the family house to live with them. Before long, the young girl changed the situation in the family from a happy home to a battle field. Initially, Daniel did not know what was responsible for his wife’s change of attitude until much later when he learnt that the sister-in-law reported him saying he had been receiving phone calls from his girlfriends. His wife opened up after a long while through her attitude by destroying their relationship to a large extent. When the issue was thoroughly investigated (after long prayer to God) by Helen his wife, she realized the allegation was not true; her sister felt Daniel was being hard on her hence she decided to frame him up as revenge. Helen then apologized to her husband for her reactions.

      A husband who allows his wife’s grown-up sister-in-law should guide against possible misunderstandings that may arise from the way he handles her. If you give her a broad smile often or frown at her and she misinterprets your action, you are in for trouble. If you give her so much appreciation for her positive contributions to your family, then pray sincerely for a good interpretation from her and your wife. Another thing is that if she behaves nastily, you may want to correct her harshly the way you would if she is your daughter and if she misunderstands your reproach, you are in for trouble. Dear reader, I am not saying that things must go wrong in all homes: with God on our side, peace from above will reign in our homes!

   Irrespective of the cases cited above, we observe PEACE in most homes where sister-in-laws live. And most women prefer to have their relations around them because it is easier for a woman to give assignment to her sister and get the job well done. Where her sisters see her as a trainer, her husband’s relations may see her as a dictator who does not deserve their services. This does not happen everywhere though, after all, there are homes where relations of both husband and wife live with them peacefully by the grace of God.

     Couples should know that God who instituted marriage for companionship has to be consulted in faith and prayerfully when there is crisis that He may proffer solutions to your problems. Ps 127:1 says, “Unless the Lord build the house, in vain its builders labor.” Two people from different family backgrounds cannot make it easily as one flesh but with God on their side, they can make it! So, let us avoid politics and corruption in marriage.