John ESENE

 

      The fact that your marriage is not experiencing intimacy should not influence you to call it quit with your spouse. A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it than hurt yourself trying to pick up the pieces. Your assignment in your marriage may be to save souls apart from bringing joy to your family members. It may not be easy but what is worth doing should be done for the sake of God who assigned you to that family.

 

      We are all aware of the effort Saint Monica exhibited to make her family a renowned model even after many years of her death. The Catholic Church still recognizes her and her son, St Augustine (the first African Bishop).  Monica was a Christian when she was married to a Patricius, a pagan official at Tagaste (North Africa). The violent temper and dissolute pagan habits of the man caused her much suffering and made the education of their three children difficult. Some people say, “Being with no one is better than being with the wrong one”. Yet she did not abandon her husband but was able to fight for his conversion after 18 years of marriage.

 

     This is one of the reasons while people say, “What a man can do, a women can do even better.” We give glory to God for giving her the strength and courage to achieve that change before her husband died few years later. She did not stop there as she had to work assiduously on her son, Augustine, until he was converted at the age of 33. O Lord, give us the grace to do what is good, right and true in your sight, and to seek you always with undivided hearts!

 

     Monica once said to Augustine: “God has done more than I had dared to hope for in that He has taught you to despise all that the world can offer in order to follow Him. Bury my body where you will. All I ask is that you remember me always at the altar of God. Before she died, she said to Augustine, “My son, I had but one objective in life, and that was to see you a Catholic. When she died, her son, Augustine said of her “Never can I describe what her love was for me! By her glance as well as her words she raised our hearts to God. If I am your child, Oh my God, it is because you did give me such a mother!” I suggest that those having stubborn spouses should emulate Monica!

 

 

     When our Former Vice President, Atiku Abubarka congratulated his first wife, Titi on her birthday anniversary recently, he made remarkable comments saying, “On the occasion of my beloved wife, Titi’s birthday anniversary celebration, I am proud to say that I couldn’t have married a better wife.

 

     “Titi and I got married against our parents’ wishes in the most daring way, with no family members, with only two friends. Today we have been married for 50 years. Titi has been a blessing beyond measure to me and our family. I don’t know how we started calling ourselves Mummy and Daddy.

 

     “I thank her for having been patient with my SHORTCOMINGS. Patience is a virtue you can never regret. I encourage spouses to continue to be patient with each other. I wish Titi many more years of bliss and blessings.”

 

     The above message should be taken seriously by spouses: We should value what we have sincerely especially when the person involved is still alive. If there was no intimacy in this marriage, they would not have survived it. A wedding without members of both families is like a hole in the head but the spouses resolved to face the consequences irrespective of the abandonment.

 

     No pain, no gain! You cannot move up without challenges. More so, you must forgive those who offended you to enable you move up because if you harbor offences against them, the load will slow you down on your life journey. After all those who offended you did not know what they were doing. “Forgive them, Father! They don’t know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34. And in Luke 637 Jesus said, “Do not condemn others, and God will not condemn you; forgive others, and God will forgive you.”

 

     On the joyful day those who abandoned you earlier will return to you and celebrate your achievements beyond your expectations. They are your people and they love you but they acted according to their feelings for you. When Jesus started His mission those who were familiar with Him (while He was young) did not believe in Him hence He did not work many miracles there. But after the Pentecost, the same people believed in Him and surged for baptism.

 

     Marriage is not getting the right person to marry but being the right person. Real love is not based on romance, candle light dinner and walk along beach. In fact, it’s based on care, compromise, respect and trust. Do not change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you! Your calling is from God your Creator; listen to Him and do His will.

 

     How turbulent is your marriage? Remember that God created you to dominate, designed to excel, empowered to succeed, ordained for greatness and above all, overall success. Approach the Holy Spirit (with faith and trust) to sanctify your marriage; then look up to the Holy Family for guidance and counseling. You will not regret your efforts!

 

     At this stage ensure you unite with your spouse as one flesh and ask for God’s Divine intervention to enable you overcome the obstacles in your marriage. There is no marriage without problems. And every problem has expiring date. There is light at the end of the tunnel but unfortunately, some spouses call for divorce just before the end of the tunnel.